Question:

best joke of 2009?

by Guest1029  |  12 years, 10 month(s) ago

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what do you guys think was the best joke of 2009 so far? i love jokes and i come to this site to check them out all the time, i needed to compile a list of top jokes and was wondering which one is the funniest so far that you've all heard!

 Tags: 2009?, joke

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  1. Guest2284
    your momma's so far her blood type is ragu............

  2. Guest3595
    Thats a good one.. Yep def that one
  3. Guest8615
    What women say and what does that means..........!

    (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

    (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


    (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

    (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

    (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

    (6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

    (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … that will bring on a ‘whatever’).


    (8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying s***w YOU!

    (9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
  4. Leonardo
    http://www.agoodjoke.com
  5. Guest9405
    Tayyab, Thumbs Up ! You should be the moderator of a joke site !
  6. Guest3992
    Here goes an other one about Men and Women
    ---------------------------------------------------

    ::Men::

    1. All men are extremely busy.

    2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

    3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.

    4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one Around.

    5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.

    6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.

    7. Although the women leaves them they still don’t learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

    ::Women::

    1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

    2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.

    3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.

    4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.

    5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “An old rag”.

    6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still Expect you to compliment them.

    7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t Believe you
  7. Guest1227
    awesome !
  8. Guest7569
    Tayyab looks like an expert on man vs. women :)
  9. Guest8550
    may be he is a man trapped in a woman's body or may be he is a woman trapped in a man's body :D
  10. Guest7444
    :(
    Here comes another joke...............

    Once X asked Y, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”

    Y said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

    X asked, “Can you explain?”

    Y said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues.  We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”

    Still not convinced, X asked Y “Give me some examples”

    Y said,” Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife.  I just agree to it”

    X asked, “Then what is your role?”
    …………………………………………….
    Y said,” My decisions are only for very big issues.  Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe , whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc.   Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these”.
  11. Jessica_Nancy
    A hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.



    One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies : "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't Even take off." !!!!



    That is called Confidence!!!
  12. Jessica_Nancy
    Khan: Hey Butt, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.

    Butt: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.

    After 2 days,

    Butt: Khan, bug is fixed. Please verify.

    After another 2 days,

    Khan: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Choudhry is not getting the sound.

    After another 2 days,

    Butt: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Choudhry has old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Choudhry's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.

    Another 2 days,

    Khan: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but my colleague Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.

    Butt: Not a bug.
    What can we do for the bug? The two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.

    Another 2 days,

    Khan: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.

    Another 2 days later,

    Butt: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.

    Another 2 days,

    Khan: I have re-opened the bug.

    Butt: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?

    Khan: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have
    re-opened it.

    After 2 days,

    Butt: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.

    After 1 year

    Khan: I am re-opening the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

    Butt: GROWLLLL.... .I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noise or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noise.

    Khan: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.
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    Butt: (not alive)
  13. Jessica_Nancy
    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

    Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

    “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
    “And what do you deduce from that?”
    Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

    Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

    Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

    Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.


    Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.


    Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.



    But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

    Holmes is silent for a moment.

    “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
  14. Jessica_Nancy
    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
    The Russians used a pencil.
  15. Guest128
    1) What is the difference between women and puppies?

    Answer: Puppies grow up.

    2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?

    Answer: Because they are…

    3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?

    Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

    4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?

    Answer: Who cares ?????..

    5) What did God say after he created woman?

    Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man.

    6) What’s the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?

    Answer: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.

    7) What are two reasons why women don’t mind their own business?

    Answers: i) no mind ii) no business
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  16. Guest1595
    wow these jokes sucked
  17. Guest713
    Q. What wad NASA most shocked about after when sent there first rocket into space.

    A. The gas bill
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