How do I deal with an older brother who is emotionally and verbally abusive?

5 ANSWERS

1. Guest6146
   

   In lot of cases people do things for a reason and random acts of kindness or of hurt have a background.  I personally can’t imagine a brother saying all these things to the sister but maybe this is his way of telling you something.  This might be far fetched but maybe he has heard something from someone about you that has embarrassed him in front of others and he is verbally abusing you to stop you from doing it again.
   
   There is no excuse for what he is doing but I’m just thinking out loud.  majority of social issues relating family members are caused by lack off or miscommunication.  It might be hard but you should talk to him and ask him if you have done anything to hurt him; he might yell or be abusive as routine but if you guys sit together long enough to move be on the initial anger release; the true reasons behind the verbal abuse might become apparent.  
   
   You also said he grabs your butt when your mom is not watching; is he your real brother?

   Report (0) (0)  |   12 years, 9 month(s) ago  

2. clarabella
   

   Thanks for your reply. He is my real brother and, it is possible that he may have been evesdropping during a telephone conversation with an ex-boyfriend or, who knows, this city is small so maybe my ex made up something about me and it got to my brother somehow. In truth though, my brother is the kind of blunt person that if he heard something, he would say it loud and clear and would take pleasure in doing so. So, if this were the case, he would have said something already either as some kind of lesson about who I associate with or purely because he heard something. Would a loving brother call me a "cuntface" (pardon my language) for weeks and weeks if he were really trying to help? Anyway, I will follow up on your advice and learn how to be  tter our communication. I don't get it though because my mom raised us to be aware of being tactful yet maybe the media is to blame (all that south park he started watching around the age of 18). Sometimes when my guard is down or when we are getting along temporarily, he will start at me again. Boredom might be a lame excuse and no it is not right but, I just want some tips on de-stressing. Thanks so much! any other ideas would be much appreciated. Cheers.

   Report (0) (0)  |   12 years, 9 month(s) ago  

3. Guest9912
   

   Ok some times in life you have to stand up for yourself and in doing so you have to make sure you do it so people know you will not take anything that goes against who you are, what you believe in and you will do the right thing even when it is tough to do so.  The things your real brother does are not acceptable by any standard. I know this personally some times when people don’t know how to have a conversation or how to sit in a room with someone else and have a productive conversation they find fillers and those fillers usually are picking on someone or talking nonsense about someone.  Your brother seems to be that kind of a person who doesn’t know how to have a civilized conversation and picks on you just to pass time.  
   
   I think its about time you let him know you are not having this and if he has nothing good to say to you, don’t say anything at all. This is funny south park does have some nonsense effect on some low self-esteem people.

   Report (0) (0)  |   12 years, 9 month(s) ago  

4. toshiewoo
   

   Difficult people can make your day less enjoyable and your brother fits the bill. With the right strategies, you can learn to deal with your brother effectively.
   
   It is clear that your brother gets you so stressed that you can't concentrate on the enjoyment side of life.
   
   “Individuals behave in a difficult manner because they have learned that doing so keeps others off balance and incapable of effective action. Worst of all, they appear immune to all the usual methods of communication and persuasion designed to convince or help them change their ways,”
   
   If you don’t want to make it clear to him that his actions will not be tolerated; here are some strategies for coping with your brother
   
   Avoid these “don'ts” when dealing with your brother:
   
   1. Don't take your brothers behavior personally. His troublesome behavior is habitual and probably affects most people he comes in contact with other than those he needs something from.
   
   2. Don't fight back or try to beat him on his own games. This is the only way he knows and bad habits have a long hours of practicing behind it. you don’t want to come down to his level.  
   
   3. Don't try to appease him it seems he has an insatiable appetite for more.
   
   4. Don't try to change him you can only change your responses to his  behavior.

   Report (0) (0)  |   12 years, 9 month(s) ago  

5. Guest6130
   

   There are some interesting thoughts being presented in answers to this questions and I guess I would like to throw in my two cents.  Stand up to your brother but don't fight. He expects you to either run away from him or react with rage. Your goal should be to assertively express your own views, not try to win a battle of right and wrong.
   
   First, wait for your brother to run out of some steam. Then call your brother by his name and assert your own opinions with confidence.  Dealing with difficult people takes practice, so don't get discouraged when you are dealing with your brother.
   
   Although these strategies might not change him, they will break his ability to interfere with your effectiveness, most important, you'll feel more confident and you'll start to enjoy your days better.

   Report (1) (0)  |   12 years, 9 month(s) ago